Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
