I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
