Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
