GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
