I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
