we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
