Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
