Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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