You really coming over, don't trick.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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