Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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