He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
