Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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