Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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