I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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