wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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