you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
