mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Bring me that man meat
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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