I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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