I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
