He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
