My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This is classic penis vs brain.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
