just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I would fuck him just for his dog
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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