i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
