My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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