why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
