so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
this hospital has no fireball
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
