I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
