I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
