I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
