hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
