This is not my ceiling
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
