READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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