Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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