I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
