I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There r osticjed everywhere
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize