I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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