Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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