dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
