i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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