what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize