your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
