Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
