I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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