Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
