I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize