it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am available for nakedness
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
