# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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