The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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