I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
