I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My pussy is not your playground.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
