The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
