I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
