You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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