If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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