we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sorry about my life...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
