thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You left your phone here
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