That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
