3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
