Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
