Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
