that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
