giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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