Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize