I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
