He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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