sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
