He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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