I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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