went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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