OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
