Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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