I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
