I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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